I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
