"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
