Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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