I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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