like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
