Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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