So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
3 2 1 whiskey
My dick has a subreddit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
