mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
