i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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