I can text with my tongue
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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