Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
