Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
