I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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