I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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