Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
