I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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