just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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