the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
