my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
