life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I did not marry a roomba.
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