i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
