wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
