chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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