Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
