So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
