i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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