I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
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