I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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