i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
