I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
