how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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