So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
this hospital has no fireball
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
