My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
