yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
