I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
