Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
