so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
