then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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