Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
