Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
