And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
