do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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