This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
