is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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