I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
