hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want nice things and good sex
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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