Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
