My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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