im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
