Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
