That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
