We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
