So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
