I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
